Instagram Follow @thatgirl_eb Unapologetically eboni . . .

Unapologetically eboni . . .

22. Visual and performance artist. Pro-Black visionary. I foresee a better future for my people. Happy & positive spirit.. UCLA c/o '13. Currently self-publishing my first book |look for it 2014|.
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luvyourmane:

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odinsblog:

Anyone who is actually blaming Janay Rice for staying with her abuser is engaging in some degree of victim blaming and does not have a good working understanding of abuser dynamics, battered woman syndrome, or Stockholm Syndrome —and right now, should she decide to leave, is an incredibly dangerous time for Mrs. Rice, even if she doesn’t realize it: the most dangerous time in the life of a battered woman is when she attempts to leave her abuser. Threatened by the loss of control, the batterer is likely to become even more violent and may even try to kill her. And please do not make the mistake of thinking that the danger is somehow minimized just because the abuser is famous and wealthy

And while it might not “make sense” to a lot of people, abusers are often world class manipulators and there are actually several very understandable reasons an abused woman might choose to remain with her abuser:

LOVE/HOPE: He is not always brutal…She hopes he will change, and the beatings will stop…An abused partner still loves the abuser even though he hits her

FEAR : She believes his threats to beat or kill her, the children, her family if she leaves him…He’s done it before, she fears he will do it again

SOCIETAL PRESSURE: Society has conditioned women to believe their primary duty is to keep the family together no matter what…She would be admitting failure…She may have been successful in other areas of her life and believes that if she works hard enough she can also have a successful relationship or marriage

LACK OF SUPPORT: Family members are threatened physically… After repeated attempts to help, family may distance themselves from the victim…Friends don’t want to get involved…Isolation from family makes it difficult

RELIGION: Divorce is not acceptable…Vow was to love, honor, and obey

EMBARASSMENT, SHAME, GUILT: She doesn’t want her family to find out…If her family likes him, they may not believe her or they might blame her…If she is the wife of a prominent citizen she may worry about how the publicity will effect his reputation, career, and whether people will believe her

FEELS RESPONSIBLE: She doesn’t know anyone else being beaten, so she must be doing something wrong…She believes what her abusive partner says that somehow it’s all her “fault”, therefore he had to beat her

SURVIVAL IS ALL SHE THINKS ABOUT: All her energy and thoughts are focused on surviving…Formulating a plan to leave is overwhelming…Trauma is similar to that of a prisoner of war who is reduced to the level of mere existence and survival

HAS NO PLACE TO GO: She may not know about shelters or lack transportation…She has worn out her welcome at mom’s, sister’s, etc.

ECONOMIC DEPENDENCE: Many batterers have strict control over the purse strings…Husband convinces her that she will not receive any child support if she “abandons” the family…Over 50% of victims have no marketable skills…Feels she can endure beatings so that children have more financial advantages

Personally, I think we should support an abused woman who hasn’t left her abuser in exactly the same way we support a drug user who hasn’t stopped using, or a depressed person who won’t just hurry up and “feel better” —we don’t agree with, understand or condone the choices of people engaging in various forms of destructive self-harm, but we offer them our support, be there for them, and never blame them  

Knowing these reasons is not “agreeing” with someone staying in an abusive relationship, but it does allow us to better support and understand abuse victims. And iMho, passing judgement on her, the victim, just takes far too much of the onus off of her abuser. #whyistayed is an important discussion, but an equally important question, if not more important, is #whydoesheabuse?

And, ANY domestic abuse is a criminal act. Period. It is wrong, and needs to be condemned and stopped, but while we can acknowledge that yes, men and same sex partners are also the victims of intimate partner violence—and again, they are no less important—it is very important I think, to keep in perspective who the overwhelming majority of abusers are and avoid any disingenuous “both sides” false equivalencies:

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Important

This post goes so hard and y’all need to understand this!

queen-of-blackrom:

Omfg he just looks so happy and excite like hello yes friend where are we going today?

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pursingmyhappiness:

I see no lies here 😂